Exhausting Conversations

It's been over a week since I've released an article relative to any unpopular opinion I have and here this one goes: I find the vast majority of needless conversation somewhat exhausting. This is not to say that all conversation is exhausting for everyone (but it is for me so forgive me please) and yet, there are certain kinds that are especially tiresome. They can be grouped into:

1. conversations with people whom you have nothing in common with
2. conversations with people you are obliged to speak to so much that there is basically nothing to talk about apart from the British weather
3. conversations in which the one-sided nature forces you to listen to something you could not care less about if you tried
4. conversations in which the speaker recongises they have spoken too much and then asks you a half-arsed question about your day/interests making a terrible attempt to feign interest for the sake of trying to be a good conversationalist
5. conversations that begin with 'how was your day?'

These are the most exhausting and tiresome of all conversation topics and styles (and of course, some of them overlap. For example: 1 and 5 can overlap and then you have 3 and 4 overlapping quite a lot) so, let me explain what I mean by 'exhausting'...

Exhausting Conversations

Do I mean physically tiring? Yes I do.

Number 1 is perhaps one of the most tiring because both parties of the conversation will recognise this early on in the talk - they have nothing in common and perhaps are only being polite to each other rather than actually having any like for one another whatsoever. We can see this happen in the professional world quite often in which it is considered something 'good' and 'positive' to at least pretend you like everyone. I have done it so often that I am unlikely to admit truly how much. But, this mask of liking someone is exhausting in itself because it predicates that people who have no common ground can't just simply leave each other alone. No, they must engage in conversation in some way, they must be forced to like each other to some degree.

Number 2 is something that would happen with schoolmates and university friends. You realise that you've spoken to this person so much that finding a topic of conversation (simply because you like these people) is becoming tiresome. There is one time from when I was at university that I look back on with fondness because I was taking part with friends - though I also have to reason with the fact that we must have been bored out of our minds with conversation topics having become tired and exhausted that we made up a television show (or podcast? I don't remember that part) which centred itself on the sea monster found in the fiction of HP Lovecraft. We never did actually end up making it, but at least it gave us something to talk about - and it was funny for a while. Did it move anything along? Nope. Was it useful? It was a waste of time. But differing from the first reason, this 'exhausting' conversation is exhausting for the fact that you actually enjoy being around these people and so, however wasteful the conversation - does it really matter?

(Hint: of course I think it matters. It was still a huge waste of time, I could've been reading)

Number 3 happens to me basically all the time. I've had people talk sports at me, people talk their politics at me, I've brought up a conversation and then muted myself whilst someone else spoke for half an hour straight. I actually quite like this because I'm very, very good at passive listening. I'm great at making it look like I'm listening and hearing cues for asking questions (plus, asking vague enough questions so that it looks as though I was listening the entire time). I think that purely comes from the fact that this is the most likely form of conversation to happen to me and so I've learnt how to simply get on with my life whilst someone else talks themselves tired. But it can be exhausting too. It feels like a very one-sided thing. The longest I've ever gone without speaking in a conversation was about 95 minutes, but I'd zoned out after about 90 seconds. If I can make the analysis from my end: men do this far more than women do. Men talk far, far more than women, often about topics that waste time and mean nothing in the long run. I'm sorry, I simply don't care. I'm fine with it to continue this way though - I can just get on with my life whilst you speak forever and ever.

Number 4 is funny because it is basically what happens when the speaker of number 3 suddenly becomes self-aware. This is why I often waiting for them to stop speaking and then say 'I'm sorry, what was that?' So that I can at least look as though I was listening. The person then repeats the question and I become agreeable. "I agree with your points. They intrigue me." Or something along those lines. That way, they'll continue speaking and I'll carry on with my life - often, that means reading something on my phone or if I can get away with it: listening to a podcast on my AirPods. It's exhausting when this happens though because you know that the question is only being asked because they feel bad for speaking so much - not because they are interested in what you have to say. I have brought this up in the past by saying 'do you really want to know what I think? - or are you just sick of talking for [insert lengthy amount of time here]?' It's not socially acceptable to bring this up but it is funny to see the look on the other person's face when it is.

Any conversation that begins with 'how was your day?' will go straight in the bin. I have often hoped that if I'm in a conversation in which this conversation topic arises that I am sitting in a group of more than two people. Therefore, I can pass the question on to the other person and let them talk, probably even asking questions to avoid answering it myself. You know the other person doesn't care about your day, they're just trying to make themselves look caring and kind.

Conclusion

So there's my unpopular opinion. Conversations are exhausting, they're lots of effort with no reward. More often than not, I simply don't bother with conversation - exiting it wherever and whenever possible and acceptable to do so.