Steve Gets Told Off for Looking

Marty and Steve are two grumpy old men who live together. They have known each other for years. The two are always arguing about something or other. This time was no different.

Steve came storming in from the garage, as fast as a seventy-five-year-old man with one gammy leg can storm. Marty was sitting in his favourite chair, reading a book.

“Can you believe it?” Steve shouted twice to make sure that Marty had heard him.

Marty slowly lowered his book, somewhat peeved that his serenity had been disturbed.

“What is it now, you crazy old bastard, what have you done?”

“What have I done? This twenty-year-old upstart told me off at the beach for perving at her!”

“Well, were you?”

“Was I what?”

“Perving?”

“Define perving,” demanded Steve.

“Well, were you looking at her because she was attractive, or did you stare at her and make her feel uncomfortable?” responded Marty. “Did you have to put your eyeballs back in their sockets, you dirty old man?"

“I haven’t answered your question yet, and you have already branded me. Guilty before a trial!”

“I know you, and I bet you're perving!” said Marty.

“How long were you looking at her?”

"What? I don’t know I wasn't timing myself. Is there a time limit for defining looking and perving? She wasn’t the only one I was looking at.”

You are not helping your cause here, Steve. It is getting worse.

“Look, here is how I see it. I admire the female body, well, a nice one anyway. Women who go out looking glamorous, gorgeous, or sexy want to be looked at. If they didn’t, why would they go to all that trouble? If they don’t want to be looked at, wear a sack, not some tiny bikini that leaves little to the imagination.”

“You can have a fleeting look and admire beauty, but if you focus on their every move and can’t rip your eyes away, that could make them feel uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well, men are biologically tuned to look at women. Women are biologically tuned to be attractive to men. That is how we get together, not that you would know about that, Marty. Otherwise, there is no excuse for buying all that makeup, clothes, and getting their hair and nails done?" said Steve, trying to justify his actions.

"Anyway, how did she know I was looking at her? I might have been looking at the guy behind her?"

“Was she with someone?”

“No, well, she was with a friend. She was also really good-looking. They were both really hot. Sorry, very attractive ladies. I might have been looking at her friend. She didn’t seem to mind. Besides, she didn't know I was looking at her.”

“How do you figure that?” Marty asked curiously, “It sounds like a ten-foot elephant could have sneaked up behind you, and you wouldn’t have noticed.”

“I had my sunglasses on."

“Sunglasses, you never wear sunglasses!”

“I do so. When I am at the beach, I wear sunglasses to stop the glare.”

“More likely so, people can’t see you perving if you ask me.”

“Well, nobody asked you, did they?" said Steve, trying to put an end to the conversation.

“What did she say to you anyway?” asked Marty.

She said, “Are you right there? Can I help you? I said if I were fifty years younger, you could, but now I am just admiring the view. Then she called me a dirty old man and walked off.”

“So why exactly are you all hot under the collar with what she said? It sounds to me like she was spot on. You are a dirty old man, and you were perving.”

“It is the principle of the thing, Marty.”

“And what would that be? This will be good,” baited Marty.

“She had no respect for her elders. I bet I was three times her age, and she should show more respect.”

“Not only are you a dirty old man, but you are crazy. You are lucky she didn’t have you arrested. What did her friend do?”

Steve had a little chuckle to himself before answering. “Oh, that was the best part. She wiggled her bum, kicked her leg up like Marilyn Monroe, and gave me a cheeky smile.”

“I give up,” said Marty, having the last word.

Till next tine,

Calvin

[A/n: Absolutely no offence to women intended, just tongue-in-cheek humour. The story was in response to the monthly challenge that George's Girl 2026 and I started. She writes something, a poem or a story, and I reply. This time it was about why men shouldn't look at women. Her story is below. Feel free to join on if you like .]