House on Fire

"It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten

What the colour of her eyes were, and her scars or how she got them

As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is droppin'

Through the valleys of an ageing face that this world has forgotten"

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Once long ago and far away

A grave was dug upon a peak

A boy gave up and down he lay

For peace did his own death he seek

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So tired of fighting to survive

And yet somehow he could not sleep

His one-track mind a wire still live

His shadow step by step did creep

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Snuck up and stole away his soul

It drank down every tear he'd weep

It used his hands to bore a hole

A well which was deeper than deep

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And then when he had gone within

It summoned thunder, called the rain

It mixed his sorrow and his sin

It called down his relentless pain

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So when his shovel struck true Stone

He was amazed, for he was free

And yet, as he gazed up alone

No moon or stars could he then see

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For lightning flashed across the sky

And tears fell swiftly on his face

Although he'd found his how and why

He'd also found his resting place

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The walls were slick and sheer and tall

Seeking his path had cost his grace

He fell so far during his stall

He'd drown down here without a trace

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The irony not lost on him

He felt resigned to fickle fate

The spark within began to dim

When suddenly opened a gate

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The clouds did part so he could glimpse

A falling star which called his name

He knew he'd miss it if he blinked

And so he tried to play a game

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Of cat and mouse, he sought to catch

He reached out and he tried to tame

He hoped to keep alight the match

He made his gaze a picture frame

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Imagine his surprise when she

Fell from the sky into his arms

Two lonely hearts awoke as we

And they combined their many charms

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A healing balm made from their harms

She pulled him up from certain death

And in her forest grove he farmed

The seeds of life within her breath

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And so they lived and loved as one

A golden age, if for a time

Alas, it could not last - their sun

Soon set upon their playful prime

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Saviours born both of light and dark

They were the same, during their climb

But as the waning light grew stark

Their paths diverged, their clock did chime

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Yet cling they did to what they'd found

For fear of losing what was won

Of vanishing without a sound

Forgetting stories sweetly spun

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But signs there were right from the start

That love like theirs would never last

For though they both followed their hearts

They were from diff'rent metals cast

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For one was born to chase the storms

The other yearned for house and home

And what would one trade to be warm

To stay safe from the wrath that roams

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The bolt out of the blue that spawns

A thousand thousand different tomes

Can energize just as it warns

How flammable it is, our poem

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Before the war began, you said

You could not be with one who smokes

And so I swore to cut the thread

That bound me to the trickster hoax

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And honestly I meant my oath

Sincerity was not an act

And yet I could not conjure growth

Which I did not realize I lacked

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Although I tried I could not change

The parts of me you rightly feared

For I was, to myself, still strange

My head had never yet been cleared

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So filled with smoke and mist and fog

I thought I knew what I was like

I sought to make, a prince, a frog

I thought I ought to wield the strike

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Instead it wielded me with glee

I lashed out with my silver tongue

I struck a vessel lost at sea

To punish it for leaving me

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It once bore me to distant shore

And ever since its song I'd sung

I was angry that I'd adore

The same one who had left me stung

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She'd shared with me another world

And I had dreamed of living there

But when her sails once more unfurled

I'd blamed her for the whole affair

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And yet, in truth, we shared the blame

I didn't want to see my part

I only saw the lonely flame

That she had lit within my heart

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To try to leave, I think, was smart

The wind it called to her to go

The same music now tore apart

The souls that it once set aglow

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And yet I clung so stubbornly

That she could never leave for long

She closed the door but kept her key

And came back home to hear the song

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She wanted me to go along

To be the me she dreamed about

She hoped that I might become strong

But in her face I saw her doubt

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She never really thought I could

She didn't see my destiny

She was obsessed with the word "should"

She couldn't hear my silent plea

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She thought she saw who I could be

And felt my path would lead nowhere

Unless I let her guide my qi

And free me from my selfish snare

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She tried to prune the useless shoots

And really she always meant well

Despite this she would stomp her boots

And force me back under her spell

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She sold a dream but what a price

If I could just change this or that

If I could follow her advice

Then we would not have tit for tat

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In fairness though, when we first met

My head was up among the clouds

By dating me, she took a bet

That she could pierce my many shrouds

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My pride was huge to compensate

For pain which carved straight through my bones

A fantasy I did create

To help me cope I smoked my cones

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And weaved of mist the tallest tale

In which I looked down on the earth

I conjured up a magic veil

To get me through to my rebirth

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She cut me down to size, it's true

And brought me down to Earth, it seems

That at the start, she was the glue

She stopped me tearing at the seams

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She humbled me and saw right through

All my illusions of self-worth

If only she had seen me too

Instead of my abundant dearth

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If only she had stopped to think

Whether she saw within my eyes

The inklings of the true Insinq

Or saw instead a crafted guise

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I custom made the me she saw

According to her own designs

Then out I tried to deftly draw

A man that lived within the lines

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I tried my best, I really did

I tried to change to satisfy

Her wants and needs, and yet I hid

The true me underneath the lie

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I couldn't talk, I had no voice

To protest or to speak my truth

I felt I simply had no choice

Except to squash my inner youth

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And so I sacrificed my sight

That I might play the role she wished

And thusly I built up my plight

As up was our resentment dished

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I worked so hard to make it work

That I was forced to cast my light

Upon the shades within the murk

How else could I yet make things right

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I focused hard on secret things

I sought to slay eternal night

And yet she sought to spread her wings

Oh, how she longed to just take flight

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To leave regret and hurt behind

To leave me to sort out my mess

To find herself a diff'rent kind

Of man to bless with her success

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She wished that I would just grow up

And share with her an adult life

She beckoned me with gilded cup

Yet could not see she held a knife

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To cut away what did not fit

Into the mould she had in mind

And yet, it's true, I must admit

I was the same, and no less blind

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I could not see, or did not want

To understand the part I played

I thought myself the confidant

Not he who had brokered the trade

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Disloyalty poisoned my heart

I blamed her for the earth she scorched

For she'd held back right from the start

Yet all the while I held the torch

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I breathed in toxic smoke from flames

That ate away at our shared love

I hated that she played these games

Yet could not see my push and shove

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And by the end it all caught fire

Our house and home, the life we shared

All I saw was her wild desire

I could not face how I'd ensnared

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The both of us in false respite

Recurring though it was not real

For when my sins summoned my spite

I'd hide away the shame I'd feel

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I chased a spark and lost my way

And wandered in the dark for years

Who knew that love could lead astray

That souls could be possessed by fears

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She broke my heart, but not before

I broke hers too, and not just once

And in the end, settled the score

I showed myself to be the dunce

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Refused to hear the words she spoke

I chose to play the victim card

And raged until her pain did choke

Her words and left her soul well scarred

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I broke the home we once did share

I burnt it down around us both

I told myself she did not care

I heard her truth in what she quoth

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And so I struck out on my own

To forge my path and write my lore

To prove my worth and build my throne

To show the world what lies in store

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Within my soul, worlds yet await

Potential sleeps and thusly dreams

The same lightning that smites with hate

Can energize the gold that gleams

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The source of those infernal tongues

That ate the house in which we slept

Is also food for heaven's lungs

This is a secret closely kept

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The honey falling from above

Contains clauses that clue us in

Learn from the hand that fits the glove

And see beyond beautiful skin

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Without such heartbreak, who could say

Just what one needs to learn to grow

Without the night, what is the day

Only the ignorant can know

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What it is like to come to grasp

The insight that eludes us all

How else might we come to unclasp

The secret light that fuels the call

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If I was not cut down to size

How could I grow to my full height

Without awareness of my lies

How could I set the world alight

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How would I know what words to write

Unless she had seen all my flaws

Without her voice with which to fight

Would I have ever had a cause

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To become who I am today

To strive to forge myself anew

To leap again into the fray

To dive right in, to learn to do

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Those things which always held me back

Now occupy my mind at length

Without someone to feel the lack

Would I have ever found the strength

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To walk the path I talk about

To cultivate the inner good

To hold my tongue, to cease to shout

To find the weaver in the wood

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If our love had not burnt me down

To ashes, sadness and defeat

How could I ever wear the crown

That I will forge from my own heat

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This Peter Pan's no longer lost

He's learnt to measure out the cost

The house that he will build from here

Will last beyond its thousandth year

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"Oh, I can see the storms in her eyes now

I'm falling overboard in the waves

In over my head and she's a high tide

That keeps pushing me away

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I thought that we would build this together

But everything I touch just seems to break

Am I your sail or your anchor?

Am I the calm or the hurricane?

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I feel the ground start to shake

I hear a voice shouting move

But there is no fucking way

I'd leave you

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So I'll just hold you like a hand grenade

You'll touch me like a razor blade

I wish there was some other way

Right now

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And like a house in fire we're up in flames

I'll burn here if that's what it takes

To let you know I won't let go of you"