Terminus

The crisp April air bites like teeth, and the sun rises as my feet hit the pavement in a steady rhythm, the burn building in my lungs. Silence and stillness all around me, the world sliding by like a painting; this is the best way to start any morning. Neon signs dominate the once suburban skyline,

*Tony McMillan for MP - Time for a change*

Yeah, what else is new?

*Get in on the Secret that keeps Susie looking so young!*

No thanks.

*Over 30s NEED Bonnie Life Insurance*

If only I could afford it.

*Your Fertility Problems, Solved*

In this economy? Not a promise, but a threat.

*Communities in Venezuela Need Your Help NOW!*

I speed up until the pleas and promises become a blur; the images change, sometimes even the words, but the messages remain the same. You need this, you want this, I can fix the world, you should fix the world; we should all be mired in guilt. When the burn becomes unbearable, I slow to lope and veer out of the park. Two miles to the big shop, two miles back. Not a lot of movement for a whole day, but better than nothing.

The aisles are deserted, but there's a crowd at the customer service desk. Not my circus, not my monkeys; that's my motto... but there's a tickle deep down at the back of my mind that makes me stop. They don't look angry, those people; they look worried. Panicked almost.

"...three pounds yesterday!" I hear a harried woman holding a baby insist and lose the reply from the equally frantic looking cashier as I slide on by. Not my problem, not my business; the mantra that's carried me through life so far. Except it seems this might be my problem.

"five fifty for six eggs," I mutter and frown, checking the label, "that can't be right."

The linoleum aisles are a ghost town. No customers, no workers, and as I walk the shelves I have an idea why the staff might be absent. They're fucking hiding. Thirteen pounds for a small chicken, four quid for a loaf of bread.

"five quid for a bag of potatoes, you've got to be kidding!" A voice floats to me from somewhere close but out of sight, as if the uneasy anger building in my belly has been made into a voice all its own... But that voice and I have the same problem; we need to eat. Its that simple, so I try not to think about the mounting cost as I put eggs and bread and milk into my basket while I swallow that greasy feeling down over and over like a bit of bad meat that just won't go.

The one silver lining is that my rucksack is lighter than it was yesterday as I jog homeward, a thin sheen of skunky sweat building under my arms and behind my neck as the signs come into view again,

*Communities in Venezuela Need Your Help NOW!*

Five pounds for eggs? What the hell is going on with the world?

*Your Fertility Problems, Solved*

How can people with kids afford to feed them these days? Forty pounds gone on breakfast staples that'll last two days.

*Over 30s NEED Bonnie Life Insurance*

It's a blip. It has to be... some country somewhere has had some kind of fuel crisis or their farmers went on strike six months ago and it's all catching up now. It'll even out.

*Get in on the Secret that keeps Susie looking so young!*

Never seen the shelves so full... food just sitting there while people walk by it to meet their budget. Isn't that the shits? Kids starving on one side of the world for the lack of it, kids hungry on the other because their parents can't afford what's in front of them.

*Tony McMillan for MP - Time for a change*

Its like running from a shadow; that light backpack on my shoulders feels like a question as I slow at the entrance of the park and sit on a bench, my heart hammering like something great and terrible was chasing me. The morning is still and silent. Really silent; a few distant birds sing, not in chorus but in isolation. The grass is dry and yellowing. No flowers... no squirrels.

Movement catches my eye as the wind picks up. Small black smudges rolling by. That's what they look like, but when one washes up against my custom running shoe I lean down and see its tiny legs. A bee. Dead.

Only when I stand up and look around do I see them. They're everywhere.